I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
