WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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