Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
