PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
