9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
