Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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