Christians are straight up FREAKS
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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