Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
