I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
