Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
