Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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