I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
