she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
