Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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