It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
