I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
