very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
