The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
