Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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