Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
