I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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