I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
