I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.