maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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