Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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