Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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