Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize