I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The feeling are messing with the penis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
