period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
