have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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