Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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