First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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