he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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