who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
