I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
