didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
