she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
