I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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