Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
