shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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