And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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