I'm going to jail i love you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
