Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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