Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
