Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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