Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
