I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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