Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
