Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
