I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
