i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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