Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
