ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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