I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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