You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
