just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
