Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
