I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
