I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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