Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
