I'm so fucking centered right now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize