my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
