i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
