bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
NoShamevember. You game?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
