this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
