You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
