How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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