watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
