Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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