This is not my ceiling
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
