dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will be naked everywhere
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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