I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
