I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
