i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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