I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
