i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
